He Counts Too

I sat at that table and listened to their jokes and their laughter. I could feel my tears building up in my eyes. I started to shake. I remember turning my head towards my friend and mouthing the words “I can’t.” That was my version of me waving my white flag in hopes that he would come to my rescue and make the jokes stop. But instead, there was something in his face that told me this was my fight not his. And then it happened.  

I slammed my hand on the table and shouted, “stop it!” I had no idea what was happening. Never in my life have I been a ‘slam my hand down on the table and demand everyone’s attention type of person.’ 

By now the laughter had stopped and I clearly had everyone’s attention. I think a unicorn could have pranced through the door and no one would have noticed. Now before I move on, I will back up a moment and explain that somehow the conversation had taken a turn and was about one specific person. The person was an older adult who is affected by special needs. His behavior is unusual to say the least and it was this unusual behavior that was the topic of the current conversation.  

By now I was full blown crying. (Ok, ugly crying.) I explained that their jokes hurt. They hurt because this man was never taught any better. They just did not have the Special Education that is available today. Then I said it. I said, “When I look at him, I see my son and as much as that scares me I hope that when Kaiden is older people will be kind.” 

My son Kaiden has autism. I know I’m biased, but he is adorable. The truth is, he is still young enough that people think he is odd but also cute. I hope and I pray that as he grows and matures people will give him the kindness and respect, he deserves. 

Far too often we see adults who are affected by special needs, and wrongly assume there is something wrong with them. We assume adult individuals who have special needs are under the influence of drugs or alcohol. How can we turn to our children and encourage Psalm 139:14 “I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made”? Parents teach their children to “treat people the way you want to be treated,” all while shaking their heads at adults who act differently.  

When Jesus said, “love your neighbor as yourself,” he meant it. It’s easy to get caught up in loving our family and friends well and ending it there. But that adult who is affected by special needs and attends your church every Sunday and always stands too close to you and likely talks about the same thing over and over, yes, he counts too. 

I honestly do not remember much of their reactions. I remember awkward interactions in which they were attempting to somehow take back their actions. I don’t think I was looking for an apology, I was looking to be heard.  

I left that conversation feeling proud. Feeling proud that I took a stand and did not just sit and dwell on my thoughts inwardly. I hope the people in that room learned something that day. I know I did. 

A note to the reader: Hi! My name is Allison Fournier and I get to be the Coaching and Programs Manager for The Banquet Network. While I edited some personal information from this story, this story actually happened. I almost didn’t share this story at all. But I think things like this happen far too often. So you’re thinking well now what? How can I help be a part of the solution instead of adding to the hurting problem? Well, we at The Banquet Network exist to coach churches on how to better include individuals who have disabilities. Because after all Heaven is inclusive! I'd love to connect with you and see how TBN can help! You can reach out to me at allison@thebanquetnetwork.com.

Allison Fournier is the Coaching and Programs Manager for The Banquet Network. For more stories like this one, go to our blog page, or click to connect, learn or donate to the mission of The Banquet Network.