A Choice to Trust
It is said that life is made up of choices. Do you ever wonder what your life may look like or how it may be different if you made different choices? I believe we all do.
I wonder the same. Years ago, Shelley and I discussed having a third child. We already had two sons, and I was ready to stop right there. “No more kids” I thought. Two is enough. But Shelley wanted another child. We discussed the “pros and cons” at length, and you can imagine how some of those discussions went between a mom that desperately wanted another child and a dad that did not desire another addition to the family.
Our discussions covered many topics. Some were the usual: money, time demands, future education expenses, etc. However, one discussion that we never had was: What if the child is born with a disability? The thought never crossed our minds. Our family had never been impacted in that way.
We ultimately agreed that we would have a third child. That child was our precious son Jimmy. At the time, we had no idea that our lives were about to be substantially rearranged. That rearrangement was painful.
As time progressed, we discovered that Jimmy was diagnosed with “autism”. We had no idea what autism was, but we knew our lives were forever altered. We just did not know how much.
Jimmy is now 19 years old. In those 19 years we have faced countless challenges. Jimmy’s autism is severe. He cannot speak. He cannot adequately care for himself. A future that includes independent living for him does not exist.
As parents, what has that journey meant for Shelley and I? It has been difficult. Concerning a day-to-day life standpoint, the daily “special needs grind” is not easy. Our schedules are very regimented, and it feels like the same routine day after day after day. Exhaustion and burnout are common. Parents like us figure out how to recharge to survive and fight another day.
I am ok with the way God made me. I am thankful for the gifts he has given me. I recognize that I am not gifted in all areas. No one is. But I am thankful that God puts people together and connects us with others that have gifts we do not possess.
The bigger issue is, am I really ok with the way God made Jimmy? For a long time, I struggled with this. I would have chosen a different life for him. I would have wanted him to get married, secure a good job, have a family, and leave a legacy that others would see and respect.
While Jimmy’s life is a journey foreign to and not understood by most, I have learned that God has gifted Jimmy with some incredible gifts. Much of the world does not, cannot and will not see these gifts. One special gift is that God has used Jimmy to teach Shelley and I more about love than anyone we have ever met. What a glorious gift: To unlock for others a greater depth in what it means to love. Many parents of children that are affected by disabilities would tell you the same thing.
Another gift that Jimmy has given me is to highlight through all the challenges that God is near. As a believer in Jesus, I place my faith and trust in Him.
Psalm 145:14-19 “When someone stumbles or falls, you give a helping hand. Everyone depends on you,
and when the time is right, you provide them with food. By your own hand you satisfy the desires of all who live. Our Lord, everything you do is kind and thoughtful, and you are near to everyone whose prayers are sincere. You satisfy the desires of all your worshipers, and you come to save them when they ask for help.” (CEV)
God has provided. God has gifted Shelley and I with an amazing young man that has taught us so much. We could never imagine our lives without Jimmy. Jimmy is a gift. A gift that I want to show the world! The best decision Shelley and I ever made was to have a third child. Why? Because God has used Jimmy to fundamentally change our hearts and lives.
Is God near? That is what the Bible says. We choose either to believe it or not to believe it. God gave Shelley and I Jimmy, and we are better for it. Through all the struggles, God is always present.
Am I really ok with the “special needs grind” until I die? Yes, because I love Jimmy.
Am I really ok with the thought that Shelley and I will very likely leave this world and enter eternity before Jimmy does, and trusting God to provide love and care for Jimmy through others? That is a painful thought, but yes, because I trust God.
God is near not only near to Shelley and me. He is near to Jimmy. I believe even though Jimmy is nonverbal, that God speaks to Jimmy in the way that Jimmy needs to hear it. Autism is not too big for God. God speaks Jimmy.
We attend a wonderful church with a dedicated special needs ministry. Jimmy receives the Gospel in the way he can understand it. Shelley and I look forward to going to church, not worrying if Jimmy will be loved, accepted, and included. He is.
The Banquet Network wants to see more churches excel at inclusion of individuals and families affected by disabilities. We are here to help. I believe that God wants us all to learn to grow in love and service. The more we do something, the more proficient we become. Imagine a world where everyone excelled at loving others. Imagine a church that allows love to break down barriers, including individuals like “Jimmy”. What a wonderful church that would be! They do exist, but we need many more.
The opportunity to serve others through the ministry that is The Banquet Network is such a blessing. What a joy to serve alongside other loving and passionate men and women who desire to evidence the love of Jesus to so many that are overlooked!
Without Jimmy I would not be serving at The Banquet Network. I would probably still be blind to the needs and struggles of so many affected by disabilities. God, thank you for Jimmy, and thank you for The Banquet Network.
By: Tom Stolle, Executive Director